Friends
My parents knew how important they were years ago. When I was old enough to be trusted to leave the yard I would have to get permission first. This was one of the few occasions where forgiveness was NOT easier to get than permission. Whenever I asked to leave the next question was “Who will you be with?” It seemed that who I was with was more important to them than where I was going. It was a long time before I found out why.
My parents were old enough to know (I thought they were born old!) how much our friends shape our lives. Friends will set the standards that we live by. It won’t be in a written resolution but it will be obvious what they consider worthy goals and we will try to conform. Good friends enhance performance more than any other reward. We were built to connect, we want to connect and connecting with a quality friend is the best hope we have. As the saying goes “steel sharpens steel!”
Throughout my life my friends have proven to be a catalyst for everything that has happened. Sometimes they coached me to new heights. Sometimes they kept me from reaching a new low but they were always involved. My friends are very different but all are useful and enrich my life. I often pray that they can say the same about me. Or as I told my brother “I wish your brother was as good as mine!”
If you do something really good or reach a goal without friends you will feel like you haven’t done anything special. The joy from sharing with a friend is always better than the actual reward. Friends are that important. It is obvious that were designed to connect and once we do having a friend magnify every experience. Sharing the experience just makes it richer and much more important. That’s why the first thing we do when something happens is tell a friend.
It’s hard to imagine how bad a life would be without friends. You get up and weigh and you have lost 20 pounds. No one to tell. You get to work and you have been promoted. It’s just a day at work cause there no one that cares. You get a call from the doctor that your biopsy is back and you need to come in for a consultation and to bring a friend. You have to go alone. You wish you had someone. Doesn’t sound like much of a life does it?
When I was 19 I was a telephone man and I went to work on an old man’s phone. He was over 90 but his mind was sharp and his life had been full. He had lots of stories to tell. He was gassed in WWI and shot in WWII. He fell in love with a prostitute and married her. He loved her 30 years till she died in his arms. He had a friend in the war that was killed saving him when he was wounded. It seemed he had lived the equivalent of 3 lives in his 90 years. I stayed as long as I could but before I left I remember saying “It must be nice to live so long.” He sighed and said “Not really, you have to watch your friends die.” It didn’t sink in then but I have heard his words many times since then in my head. When you lose a friend you are diminished.
Friendships are certainly not the same. Some friends are experts at one thing and can help you in a certain field. Since I was involved with competitive shooting for most of my life I had several shooting friends. They wanted to shoot better than me but only if I was shooting my best. On the days when I shot on the wrong target or my gun gave trouble they took no joy in a better score. But when I had a good day they relished telling about firing a score even one point higher. They knew getting beat would make me work harder. They also knew me working harder would make them work harder. We improved each other. Steel sharpens steel. That’s what friends are all about.
Some friends are needy. They need more help than they can ever give back and have little to repay the “friend debt.” Somehow effort used to help a friend always get paid back. Maybe it is the sincerity of their thanks or it might the way we are wired but it always feels really good to help someone that can’t pay it back. When it is a friend it always feels like the right thing to do.
I recently read a story about a man that depended on friends. He made the hike on the Appalachian Trail. If you don’t know it is a mountain hiking trail that starts in Georgia and ends in Maine. It is over 2000 miles of foot travel. You carry what you need with you. There are shelters spaced a day apart but they only give you shelter from mountain weather which can be rather nasty. Most hikers trying to do the entire trail start in April in Georgia and follow the warm air north.
This man’s name is Trevor. He didn’t have anyone to hike the entire trail with so he would go as far as he could and then wait till the next group coming through would pass him sitting on the trail. He would ask if he could hike with them. Many said no but enough were willing to make friends with a stranger to keep him on the trail. He became the first blind person to make the hike from Georgia to Maine
Try to imagine sitting in the woods on a trail and hoping someone comes. What if nobody comes? Imagine hearing someone (or something!) approaching. Are they friendly? Are they good? Will they rob me? Will they leave me here? Will I be a tasty snack? Staking your life on your ability to make friends is a little unnerving.
We stake our lives on our ability to make friends so we better be good at it. We select our friends so we need to be good at assessing what a friend can do, can’t do, won’t do and will do. I must have had help selecting my friends because I don’t think I’m capable of getting the ones I have on my own. Only problem is they can’t be around all the time and I need help 24×7!
I need a friend that I can keep in my pocket. Someone that will be with me day and night ready to help. He needs to very smart, very interested in me, want the best for me even if it kills him. Someone that will never betray my trust and always have my back. This friend needs to add to my life and never take away. He will need to be patient, forgiving, kind, truthful and show me by example how I can be my best. Sounds like a pipe dream doesn’t it. I thought so too.
Imagine a friend you can summon in one second no matter where you are. With a fulltime friend like that on-call you could learn to rely on him a lot more. It would be so easy! All you have to do is look at the problem and ask “OK, what do I do?” A true friend will steer you clear of being self-centered because he knows that brings disaster in the end.
A true friend will tell what is best. It might not be what you want to hear but that is what makes it a “true friend.” Seems like that has been where I went wrong many times. I knew what a good friend would tell me to do but I did what I wanted instead of what was best.
There are people that live each day with a friend like that. They are called Christians. In one second they can have God with them. That is the easy part because he never leaves them anyway. Even though they have messed up God’s plan over and over he has forgiven them. And when they ask for forgiveness in the future he will forgive again. As long as the request is sincere and coupled with the hope to do it right next time.
It can go to your head to have friend that powerful. That’s Ok as long as you let it go to your heart too. This friend is a teacher and he does what all teachers do. They try to make their students like them. It won’t ever happen but the students can be the best version of their selves possible.
Having God for your best friend is God’s plan. He made us to connect with him. When we accept him fully we begin to understand how wonderful a friend truly is and it only gets better. We learn more with each passing day how God loves us, cares for us and protects us from evil.
As awesome as it is to have God as your best friend it only happens with an invitation. We are more blind than Trevor when it comes to life. We need to make that invitation and walk the trail to forever with God before we are left alone in darkness.